


Police Tricycle (or: it’s not a buddy cop if I’m the third wheel, says Rukia)

by Chaos_Greymistchild



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Police, Car Chases, M/M, idk what else to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21894349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Greymistchild/pseuds/Chaos_Greymistchild
Summary: Ichigo chases Szayelaporro Gantz down the highway in a high-speed car chase with a grenade launcher cameo. That’s it. That’s the fic.
Relationships: Kurosaki Ichigo/Urahara Kisuke
Comments: 9
Kudos: 61
Collections: UraIchi Prompt Challenge #4





	Police Tricycle (or: it’s not a buddy cop if I’m the third wheel, says Rukia)

**Author's Note:**

> UraIchi Prompt Challenge #4; prompt 21. Police AU/ ~~Firefighters AU~~
> 
> Cross wanted to call this “300 On The Highway, 0 Dead: A Success Story By Kurosaki Ichigo”. Unfortunately she came in too late on the title polling 😂😂

Ichigo yanked the steering wheel hard to avoid crashing into another on the highway. “Kisuke please tell me you aren’t in a car right now and on the way.” He begged into the phone.

“… I’m not in a car right now and on the way?”

“ _Kisuke_ ,” he moaned.

“If it’s any consolation, I have built the lights and sirens into the car you’re driving right now. Switch is just under the sat-nav, right above the air-con. The only setting is full blast, but I suspect that that’s what you need right now.”

Ichigo flicked the simple switch without a second thought, then paused as the street opened up in front of him. “I’m pretty sure that isn’t legal, Kisuke.”

Kisuke cleared his throat.

He gritted his teeth, slammed the accelerator, and kept his eyes on the road and the escaping criminal.

“Kisuke, I don’t want to arrest you _and_ Grantz today.”

He could almost hear the pout in Kisuke’s voice. “Say that again when you encounter Szayel’s grenade launchers.”

“Kisuke, _what_?” he yelped, “Surely not—”

He cursed, jerked hard on the steering wheel again, and barely avoided a spin out.

Kisuke cackled. “Are those explosions I hear in the background?” Kisuke asked, sing-song.

“Not the time!”

Kisuke turned serious. “Fine, fine. I’ll be there to pick him up, and don’t worry, it’ll be in a car I own legally. Also, Rukia paged in on the police chatter so she’ll probably turn up to deal with clean up.”

If Rukia caught him totaling _another_ car in less than three months, she wouldn’t let him live it down, ever. _Ever_.

Kisuke must have been following that same train of thought. “If you total that car, forget Rukia, you’re not climbing into the driver’s seat of any of my modified darlings ever again. This would be the third this year so far, and we’re only halfway through.”

“At least I’m consistent?” he offered.

Kisuke let out a disgusted sound and Ichigo laughed as he hung up. He could only be distracted by Kisuke for so long. He assumed there was some sort of former-coworker, fellow-insane-scientist solidarity at work that Kisuke would make such a half-hearted, transparent attempt.

… eh, not his business, so long as Kisuke didn’t actually try to prevent Granz from going to Senzaikyuu.

And on _that_ note, Ichigo wrestled the gearbox and thumbed the button that Kisuke had warned him might cause the car to go a potentially uncontrollable speed. He was slammed back against the seat by the sudden acceleration but oh kami why hadn’t Kisuke let him use this before it was fantastic.

He smoothly skidded around a civilian car and emerged alongside Grantz’s. He knocked Grantz into an uncontrolled spin before he could manage to pull out any _more_ improbable weapons from what was no doubt a veritable armory.

The smoking wreck of metal skidded down the highway, and he clambered out of his (intact, if with a few dents in the side and back corner) car just in time to see a familiar green flap in the wind right in front of the rolling tonnes of metal. He ran forwards, futilely, instinctively, to try to somehow stop the wreck.

Grantz’s car stopped skidding _centimeters_ from Kisuke’s position, because _of course_ he’d calculated exactly how far it would skid and positioned himself _just_ shy of it without thinking about how he _might_ be giving everyone a heart attack. At least he was there to slap Grantz into handcuffs instead of Ichigo because he didn’t think he could walk all that distance so fast on shaky legs after that adrenaline rush and equally sudden crash.

A _proper police car_ parked itself next to the wreckage, and Rukia stepped onto the tarmac with a long-suffering expression Ichigo could read from all the way where his car had ground to a halt. He made his way over just in time to hear her report into the radio “… it was just Ichigo and Urahara doing their thing again. Only one car has been wrecked, not Urahara’s. I’d chalk this one up as a victory. Also,” her voice turned suddenly sweet and poisonous, “you losers better be prepared to shell out tonight.”

A series of groans echoed out of the radio and when he looked over in askance, Kisuke just shrugged back at him.

… whatever. If it was important, Rukia would tell him.

“You got Gantz, Rukia?” He asked, instead.

There was a sour expression on her face. “Yeah. I’ll take him down to Thirteenth, and then they’ll secure him in a proper prisoner transport and take him to Senzaikyuu. But you two have _got_ to stop flirting like this, the department budget can’t handle it.”

He and Kisuke shared a glance for a moment, before Kisuke smiled wickedly.

“Dinner, Ichigo?”

Rukia groaned and he snorted. “Take me out to sushi and you’re on.”

“Ah, does that count as bribing a police officer?” Kisuke asked, mock-innocent and fan playing about his mouth again, “I’m afraid you might need to settle for a simple dinner with me at home to refrain from arresting me as well today.”

He marched over to Kisuke’s car and wrenched the door open on the passenger side. “Just get in the damn car.”

“Toodles, Rukia-chan!” Kisuke laughed and got in the damn car.

“So, home?”

“Home.”


End file.
